I have little memory of ... Yet I cannot forget how exploitively I

“Deal bountifully with your servant, that I may live and keep your word.” Psalm 119:17

“Deal bountifully”, award me good things, reward me with good things, O Lord?

How shall I dare to ask such a thing of the Lord, O my soul?

What have I ever thought so true so as to be truly worthy of any good for it?

What have I ever desired so purely that I should receive pure goodness for it?

What have I ever said so fittingly that I am fit for reward for it?

What have I ever done so perfectly that I perfectly deserve to be awarded for it?

More to the point, O my soul,

God awards and rewards by giving what is wanted most. (Rm 1:24, 26, 28)

According to my dealing with Him, my reward, my award ought be that He not deal with me, O my soul,

For how often have I ran faster and further than Jonah to avoid dealing with Him, with His Word.

How is it, O my soul, that I have little memory of what I chose to deal with rather than the Lord,

Yet I cannot forget how exploitively I have dealt with the goodness of the Lord.

And yet, O my soul, it is through my exploitation of the Lord’s goodness,

That the Lord deals bountifully with me.

Mark well, O my soul, this Lord came, even Jesus Christ,

to the exploiters to be exploited by me and by all,

so that He might own my exploitation of God’s goodness,

and thus be awarded, be rewarded by God, 

according to my exploitation.

Mark well, O my soul, this Lord Jesus Christ,

Deeply exploited by me through the ministers of my sin,

Deals even more bountifully by asking that I be forgiven,

That I not be awarded, be rewarded according to my sins.

Mark well, O my soul, this Lord Jesus Christ, crucified,

Deals with the reward of God’s wrath that I have earned,

And receives the award of death I compete daily for in my sin.

Mark well, O my soul, this Lord Jesus Christ, resurrected,

Deals with my death by receiving the reward of resurrection,

And awards the words of eternal life to the exploiters

so that we might become the servants of the Lord.

How shall I ask that the Lord deal with me bountifully, O my soul?

I shall ask because it is only out of His bounty that the Lord spoke His Word to me, making me alive to live as His servant.

I shall ask because it is only out of the bounty of the Lord still speaking His Word to me, that I continue to live as His servant.

I shall ask because it is only out of His bounty of the Lord continuing to speak His Word to me, that I shall be kept alive forever as His servant.

Have mercy, O Lord!

Have mercy and deal bountifully with me, that I may live and keep Your Word through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

- pmwl 

Teach me ... for I am learned in the statutes of the flesh.

"Blessed are you, O LORD; teach me your statutes!" Psalm 119:12

Teach me, YOUR statutes O LORD, not mine.

Teach me your statutes, for I am ever inclined to be taught by my holy feelings,

though they be real,

they sustain me only until I crash on the shores of my sinful life.

Teach me, YOUR statutes O LORD, not mine,

for I am ever prone to be taught by my holy desires,

though they seem fit for the time and place,

I cannot see what shall come beyond the horizon of their satisfaction.

Teach me, YOUR statutes O LORD, not mine,

for I am ever eager to be taught by my own most holy thoughts,

though they make good measure of what I know,

my thoughts cannot rightly measure the length and breadth of my sin, nor the height and depth of my need in sin.

Teach me, YOUR statutes O LORD, not mine.

Surely I am learned in the statutes of the flesh, O my soul.

For my heart is ever inclined to the teachings of sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, strife, jealously, anger, rivalry, dissension, division and envy. (Ga 5:19-20)

Surely I am learned in the statutes of sin, O my soul.

For I am well educated in being a proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, conceited, brutal treacherous, and reckless.

I am well practiced in being a lover of self, a lover of money, and a lover of pleasure rather than a lover of God. (2 Tim 3:2-6)

Have mercy O LORD, and teach me!

For I can have the form of godliness, but not knowing its power, apart from Your teaching, I can only deny it. (2:Tim 3:5)

Have mercy O LORD, and do not avoid me.

Have mercy O LORD, and teach me!

Listen and learn from the Lord, O my soul!

He who issues His statutes, knows them best, O my soul,

be taught by Him.

He who's wisdom decreed His statutes, binds Himself to them, O my soul,

abide with Him.

He who has made Himself my Lord, makes Himself responsible for me and my keeping of His statutes,

and I am saved, O my soul,

believe in Him.

Blessed are you, O LORD; teach me your statutes. Amen.

-pmwl 

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it; Prone to leave the God I love.

“With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!”  Psalm 119:10

Have mercy upon me, O Lord,

Have mercy upon me.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;

Prone to leave the God I love.

Mark well, O my soul, how prone I am to forsake the right way,

Prone to be led astray.

Prone to gain from any wrongdoing.

What shall I become, O my soul, if I wander from the Lord’s commandments?

Soul, have you not noticed that when I wander, I become a waterless spring, a mist driven by storm and strife.

Soul, have you not seen that when I stray, I am easily enticed by sensual passions.

Soul, are you not aware that when I depart, I do so on the promise of freedom only to find myself a slave to corruption.

Soul, do you not know that when I roam, surely I become entangled in the very defilements I have been saved from.

Soul, surely you know that in my wanderings, I am the dog returning to its own vomit, the sow, after washing herself, returning to wallow in the mire. (1 Pe. 2:15-20)

Know then O my soul, that when I wander from form His commandments, I shall be scattered, with none of earth to search for me, none to seek me, none to find me. (Ez. 36:6)

My heart may seek the Lord, O my soul,

but my constant wanderings testify that I have sought Him with less than my whole heart.

Surely in my wanderings I am lost, O my soul! (Ps 119:176)

Hope in the Lord, O my soul, hope in the Lord,

For He who’s love is steadfast and endures forever,

He alone has met me where my sins have taken me, even in damnation and death.

He alone comes to me with the commandments fulfilled for me.

He alone ever seeks me with His whole heart,

He alone brings God to me as Savior.

He alone baptizes me and I am born again.

He alone creates in me a clean heart.

And He alone never wanders from me.

It is by grace, O my soul that I am saved from my wanderings,

It is a gift that I mine through faith in Him, even Jesus Christ.

Have mercy Lord,

With Your whole heart have mercy on me.

 Oh, to grace how great a debtor

    Daily I’m constrained to be;

Let that grace now like a fetter
    Bind my wand’ring heart to Thee:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;

    Prone to leave the God I love.

Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,

    Seal it for Thy courts above.  Amen.

COME THOU FOUNT OF EVERY BLESSING

-pmwl

Living for the moment ... only to be undone by passing of these moments

"I trust in you, O LORD; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hand; rescue me ..." Ps 31:14-15

Ah, the great struggle to see and leave my times in Your hands, 
O Lord, my God and Rescuer!
Surely there is no better sign that my faith is captive to an illusion, 
then my endless attempts to make You, 
the Triune God-Father, Son and Holy Spirit, 
the God in whom I live and move and have my being (Ac 17:28), 
fit and conform to my living, moving and being. 

How I strive eight ways to Sunday to see and to put You 
into myself, my times, my trials and my triumphs, 
rather than seeing by faith that You, O Lord, 
have put me and all that is mine, my sin and my all, into Christ. 

How often am I caught up in the moments, 
living by and for these moments, 
only to find myself and my living 
undone by the passing of these moments. 

How foolish I have been!  
How shall my Lord, who has promised to be at work in all things for my good (Rm 8:28), 
keep this promise if all these were not in my Lord's keeping and care? 

Have mercy Lord and forgive my clouded faith and lack of faith.
Surely as my times are in Your hands, so am I. 
Grant me Your Holy Spirit that my mind may be set on the things above, for I have died and my life is hidden with Christ in You (Col 3:2-3). Amen.

- pmwl

The temporal constantly throw it's gauntlet at the feet of the ageless and eternal that is in us.

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! ⁶  He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him. Psalm 126:6

In the walk of faith, we tend to look at the struggle and challenges of life, as if they are against the "me" that is now, the "me" that is today.  Forgotten is the fact that those who are in Christ are no longer bound by today, yesterday, or tomorrow.

When these moments, hours and even days of our lives come to us, be they in suffering or in pleasure for us, they come as a challenge to the eternal that the Lord has put within us.

The swift, countless and ever busy things of our temporal lives constantly throw down their gauntlets at the feet of the ageless and eternal that is in us.  Seeking by enticement or trial, to lay claim to us and our souls, and thus define and determine who and what we are.

The real battle in life for the believer is never between the "me" that was yesterday and the "me" of today, nor between the "me" of today and the "me" I might become tomorrow.  Being baptized into Christ - He has met the real sinful me as I was yesterday, as I am today and as I will be tomorrow and I am forever saved. 

The real and ongoing struggle of faith is always between the "me" living through the experiences of life today and the "me" that is forever saved, alive and safe in the eternal life of Jesus Christ.  

- pmwl

The tree God plants ...

“See the man who would not make God his refuge, but trusted in the abundance of his riches and sought refuge in his own destruction!” But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever. Psalm 52:7-8

The wind that blows can never kill

The tree the Lord, plants;

It blows from east, it blows from west,

Its tender leaves have little rest,

But any wind that blows is best.

This tree the Lord plants

Makes deeper roots, grows higher still,

And spreads its limbs, for God's good will

Excels to meet, its every want.

No storm has power to ever fell,

The tree the Lord does grow;

No thunder’s crash, nor beating rain,

Nor lightning flash, nor hurricane;

When they are spent, it shall remain,

This tree the Lord knows,

Through every storm it stands fast,

And from its first day until its last

By His grace, still fairer grows.

- pmwl

When Lord made Himself a butcher and a tanner for me

"And the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them." Genesis 3:21
When the Lord made skins for Adam and Eve, He made himself the butcher of animals and the tanner of skins to clothe them with earthly garments, This He did, knowing that He would allow them to be His butcher and the tanner of His skin as they would work His flesh and His skin with all the tools and skill of sin.  Then they would stretch Him out on the cross so that He might be made ready for the curing heat of God's wrath and made fit for clothing all mankind with His righteousness.
 Lord how great is mystery of You and Your ways of love and grace for Your fallen creation.
Thanks be to Thee, my Lord and my God.

- pmwl

... forbidden to evaluate myself on the basis of my own feelings ...

"Through faith in God's Word I say that if sin is present, it does not matter to me. 

I have been forbidden to evaluate either myself on the basis of my own feelings, or the church on the basis of external appearance. 

I have been commanded to judge by the Word of promise. 

The gospel says and teaches something different from my senses. It says that there is One who 'committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth' (1Pt 2:22).

In Himself He has conquered death, the world, and sin. He has said: 'Take heart; I have overcome the world."' (Jn 16:33); 'Sin will have no dominion over you' (Rm 6:14); and similar statements in Holy Scripture. 

Him alone I know, and this I know, too, that He has been appointed the Bridegroom and has conveyed to His bride, the church, [ and thus to me] all that He has. 

I am a part of His church. 

For I have sure signs and pledges, namely: baptism, the gospel, the Lord’s Supper, that witness to the fact that I am a member of Christ.

"This comfort and knowledge is so great that it cannot be understood so quickly as I wish it could be. 

If we could grasp it completely, we would never be stirred by any sense of death or sin. 

Our failure to understand this fully makes our conscience vex us, dangers disturb us, the remembrance of death and afflictions frighten us. 

This failure lies in our comprehension; it does not lie in Christ. 

It is like a man who has fallen into the middle of a stream. He catches the branch of a tree somehow to support himself above the water and be saved. 

So in the midst of sins, death, and anxieties we, too, lay hold on Christ with a weak faith. 

Yet this faith, tiny though it may be, still preserves us and rules over death and treads the devil and everything under foot."

Martin Luther

Lecture on Psalm 45, 9

O Lord, have taken ... what is mine and given me ... what is yours.

Therefore, my dear friend, learn Christ and him crucified. Learn to praise him and, despairing of yourself, say, “Lord Jesus, you are my righteousness, just as I am your sin. You have taken upon yourself what is mine and have given to me what is yours. You have taken upon yourself what you were not and have given to me what I was not.”⁶

Beware of aspiring to such purity that you will not wish to be looked upon as a sinner, or to be one.⁷ For Christ dwells only in sinners. On this account he descended from heaven, where he dwelt among the righteous, to dwell among sinners. Meditate on this love of his and you will see his sweet consolation.

Accordingly you will find peace only in him and only when you despair of yourself and your own works. Besides, you will learn from him that just as he has received you, so he has made your sins his own and has made his righteousness yours.

If you firmly believe this as you ought (and he is damned who does not believe it), receive your untaught and hitherto erring brothers, patiently help them, make their sins yours, and, if you have any goodness, let it be theirs.

Thus the Apostle teaches, “Receive one another as Christ also received you to the glory of God.”⁸

And again, “Have this mind among yourselves, which you have in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, [did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped], but emptied himself,” etc.⁹

Even so, if you seem to yourself to be better than they are, do not count it as booty, as if it were yours alone, but humble yourself, forget what you are and be as one of them in order that you may help them.

Cursed is the righteousness of the man who is unwilling to assist others on the ground that they are worse than he is, and who thinks of fleeing from and forsaking those whom he ought now to be helping with patience, prayer, and example. This would be burying the Lord’s talent and not paying what is due.¹⁰

If you are a lily and a rose of Christ, therefore, know that you will live among thorns. Only see to it that you will not become a thorn as a result of impatience, rash judgment, or secret pride.

The rule of Christ is in the midst of his enemies, as the Psalm puts it.¹¹ Why, then, do you imagine that you are among friends? Pray, therefore, for whatever you lack, kneeling before the face of the Lord Jesus. He will teach you all things.

Only keep your eyes fixed on what Christ has done for you and for all men in order that you may learn what you should do for others. If Christ had desired to live only among good people and to die only for his friends, for whom, I ask you, would he have died or with whom would he ever have lived?

Martin Luther, LW, Vol. 48: Letters I.

---

⁶ This is one of the main ways Luther tried to express the mystery of salvation. In his First Lectures on the Psalms (see p. 18, n. 3) he made the following statement: through faith Christ and the sinner are, so to speak, initiated into a marriage. The sinner is described as the prostitute who had been cleansed and rehabilitated through this marriage; see WA 4, 130 f.; WA 3, 141. Later Luther developed this idea; in the 1520 treatise, The Freedom of a Christian (see p. 180, n. 2), he gave this understanding of faith its finest formulation; see WA 7, 22 ff., 49 ff.; LW 31, 343 ff. See also WA 2, 742 ff.; LW 35, 49 ff.

⁷ For a similar statement, see p. 282.

⁸ Rom. 15:7 (Vulgate).

⁹ Phil. 2:5–7.

¹⁰ Matt. 25:18; 18:28.

¹¹ Ps. 110:2. See also p. 252, n. 12.

Preserve in wave and tempest ...

A hymn prayer based on TLH 264:5,6) that I modified slightly to speak out both the struggle and faith within me. I hope it speaks the desire of your faith in the midst of the raging of the old Adam within and Satan without. 

Preserve Thy Word and preaching,
The truth that makes me whole,
The mirror of Thy glory,
The power that saves my soul. 
Oh, may this living water,
This dew of heavenly grace, 
Sustain me while here living
Until I see Thy face!

Preserve in wave and tempest
Thy storm-tossed little sheep;
Assailed by wind and weather;
May I endure each shock.
Take Thou the helm, O Pilot,
And set the course aright;
Thus I shall reach the harbor
In Thine eternal light. Amen.

pmwl