Law and Gospel Parenting

The joy of parenting brings with it many fears and questions. Each generation seems to face ever-increasing challenges for raising children in a world distorted by sin. Books on parenting offer a variety of how-tos on the subject. But one almost needs a how-to book to choose the right how-to book, some of which are nearly one thousand pages long! Isn’t there something simpler?
At the risk of oversimplifying a complex issue—yes! There is something simpler. The best way for a Christian to parent a child is to remember that he or she is a child: God’s child. The Fatherhood of God and His Law-and-Gospel ways with His children will motivate and guide them to be better parents.
Children of God
“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are” (1Jn 3:1). Parenting begins with parents remembering that they live in God’s kingdom ruled by God’s lavish love in Christ. The Gospel is the basis for parenting, not some how-to book with a list of rules. God’s undeserved love in Christ reminds parents that having a child is not a right but a blessing. Parents do not merely produce children (as an industry produces a product). They are entrusted with a child as a gift from God. All parenting flows from this gift of the heavenly Father.
The Gospel also becomes the goal of parenting. Parents can feel proud of their children’s accomplishments in sports or academics. The ultimate goal is to bring their children to Jesus and have the Gospel become the basis of their life. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). Christian parents bring their children to Jesus in the waters of Holy Baptism. They bring their children to Jesus by instructing them in God’s Word and modeling the Lord’s ways (Law and Gospel) in the home. The ultimate goal of Christian parents is to see their children in heaven, not the “Hall of Fame.”
The Law Still Applies
Life begins at conception, and so does sinfulness (Ps 51:5). Parents need to use the Law to point out sin and curb sinful behavior. Boundaries and limits protect children and give them the security that someone is in charge. Love uses the Law to train and discipline. “This is for your own good” may not make sense to a four-year-old, and “You’ll thank me when you’re older” makes teenage eyes roll, yet such discipline reflects how our Father disciplines us.
My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives.… All discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Heb 12:5–6, 11)
Children need clear rules and consistent discipline appropriate to their sin. They need parents who follow through on the consequences. Scripture says, “[God] disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness” (Heb 12:10). God’s ultimate goal for His children is that they would be with Him in heaven someday. God works in and through our mistakes and the unpleasant results they bring. He does so for our ultimate good. Parents are working for their child’s ultimate good when they apply godly discipline.
Applying Law and Gospel as Parents
Law and Gospel help parents discern what to do in a discipline situation. One of the principles of Law and Gospel is that the Law is used with unrepentant sinners and the Gospel is used with repentant sinners. Let’s take spilling milk as an example. Most of the time, spilling milk is simply an accident. No violation of rules is involved. There is no need for the accusation of the Law: “Look what you have done!” What may be needed is some loving reassurance: “It’s okay. Accidents happen.” On the other hand, if Joey spills the milk while attempting to throw a dinner roll at Suzie, an infraction has been committed! Then the Law is needed! Joey must be called to account for his actions. However, when Joey confesses his guilt and expresses genuine sorrow, there is no need for further accusation. There may be consequences to his actions, like apologizing to his sister and helping clean up, but the Gospel of Christ’s forgiveness can now be applied.
Godly discipline comes about when Law and Gospel are rightly and faithfully applied. Encourage your children to say “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” to one another. (Do not settle for expressions like “That’s okay,” “No big deal,” or “Whatever.”)
Back to the Basics
How-to books are not enough. Certainly consult them and also seek the counsel of experienced parents. But real help for parenting comes from understanding the Law and Gospel of God’s Word. Parenting does not consist of constant screaming and yelling; nor does it avoid all conflict for the sake of peace. Return to the Gospel daily. Remember how God has lavished His love upon you and made you His child. Remember that your child is a gift from Him. Remember how He disciplines you in love. He desires, above all else, that you be with Him in heaven someday. Instruct your children in the ways of the Lord. Discipline them in love, and do not shy away from using the Law when it is needed to set limits and boundaries and to convict of wrongdoing. Be always ready and generous with the Gospel! Teach Christ’s forgiveness by forgiving your children. Teach Christ’s forgiveness by admitting your mistakes and asking your children to forgive you.
Finally, cling to the Gospel for your own sake. Mistakes you make in parenting, things you should not have done, things you should have done better, a child who has gone astray—none of these separate you from God’s love in Christ Jesus. You are a parent, but you are also a child, a child of God. And the heavenly Father never forsakes His children.

Engelbrecht, E. A. (2009). The Lutheran Study Bible (p. 2025). St. Louis, MO: Concordia Publishing House.