I have little memory of ... Yet I cannot forget how exploitively I

“Deal bountifully with your servant, that I may live and keep your word.” Psalm 119:17

“Deal bountifully”, award me good things, reward me with good things, O Lord?

How shall I dare to ask such a thing of the Lord, O my soul?

What have I ever thought so true so as to be truly worthy of any good for it?

What have I ever desired so purely that I should receive pure goodness for it?

What have I ever said so fittingly that I am fit for reward for it?

What have I ever done so perfectly that I perfectly deserve to be awarded for it?

More to the point, O my soul,

God awards and rewards by giving what is wanted most. (Rm 1:24, 26, 28)

According to my dealing with Him, my reward, my award ought be that He not deal with me, O my soul,

For how often have I ran faster and further than Jonah to avoid dealing with Him, with His Word.

How is it, O my soul, that I have little memory of what I chose to deal with rather than the Lord,

Yet I cannot forget how exploitively I have dealt with the goodness of the Lord.

And yet, O my soul, it is through my exploitation of the Lord’s goodness,

That the Lord deals bountifully with me.

Mark well, O my soul, this Lord came, even Jesus Christ,

to the exploiters to be exploited by me and by all,

so that He might own my exploitation of God’s goodness,

and thus be awarded, be rewarded by God, 

according to my exploitation.

Mark well, O my soul, this Lord Jesus Christ,

Deeply exploited by me through the ministers of my sin,

Deals even more bountifully by asking that I be forgiven,

That I not be awarded, be rewarded according to my sins.

Mark well, O my soul, this Lord Jesus Christ, crucified,

Deals with the reward of God’s wrath that I have earned,

And receives the award of death I compete daily for in my sin.

Mark well, O my soul, this Lord Jesus Christ, resurrected,

Deals with my death by receiving the reward of resurrection,

And awards the words of eternal life to the exploiters

so that we might become the servants of the Lord.

How shall I ask that the Lord deal with me bountifully, O my soul?

I shall ask because it is only out of His bounty that the Lord spoke His Word to me, making me alive to live as His servant.

I shall ask because it is only out of the bounty of the Lord still speaking His Word to me, that I continue to live as His servant.

I shall ask because it is only out of His bounty of the Lord continuing to speak His Word to me, that I shall be kept alive forever as His servant.

Have mercy, O Lord!

Have mercy and deal bountifully with me, that I may live and keep Your Word through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

- pmwl